Roger's Roughneck Wisdom

Dear Ariele,

How enjoyable this month's column was. Wow there is a wise man. And even before I read that your favorite passage was this:

"I learned anger was being forced to conform, not being able to state your case, being told how to behave, never asked how or what you think."

I read it a second time before I continued reading the column I was so taken with it. I was raised in a very angry household, and to this day struggle with anger. I have found a healthy antidote in writing prose and poetry.

Thank you very much,

Diana Mercedes Howell
Bellevue

 

Since Diana commented on them and Roger was in both the September Writing Corner and the Poetry Corner, I'm going to paste those here in his blog.

 

Writing Corner    September 2014 by Ariele M. Huff for NW Prime Time paper version

Everyone Wants to be Heard

Ariele Huff

            In a recent writing class, a student shared a story with special relevance to “active seniors” and how significant writing can be for us. Here’s his story:

“A good time to make changes is after you are sure you have learned everything. The real learning takes place after we know everything.

            Case in point: After four years teaching in High School, I moved to grades sixth to eighth—should be easier working with younger children. But…where did all that anger—disruptive behavior and terrible attitude come from? To teach these grades successfully, I discovered, you need a bagful of skill that you marvel at when the day ends.

            I learned the anger comes from being forced to conform, not being able to state your case, being told how to behave, never being asked how, or what you think.

            A wise Junior High teacher encourages these young people to have an opinion and gives them the freedom to express it. When the kids feel this freedom, everything changes. They feel okay and they feel their teacher is also okay. That teacher is teaching that there is really only one kind of discipline worth talking about or doing—self-discipline.” Roger Wilson

            I particularly love this articulate passage: “I learned the anger comes from being forced to conform, not being able to state your case, being told how to behave, never being asked how, or what you think.”

            While I totally get that this is so significant in dealing with the grandchildren and other kids in my life, I also experienced an epiphany as I felt the meaning in those words.

For a long time, I’ve wondered why so much of what we hear about aging is negative. Statistically, elders actually rate themselves as happier than any other age group. We have backlogs of accomplishments including in relationships, education, and career. So many reasons to feel better, as experts say we do, until or unless we have a serious health condition.

But Wilson’s words help me understand the anger that I see many other seniors feel, that I feel too, when our gray hair or wrinkles or birthdates render us invisible—less valid, less of interest.

So, now that we know so much, it’s time for some learning!

Finding ways to be heard is much easier if we can be clear and strong in what we say. Start by doing some soul searching about how you truly feel, what you want, what you need, what you don’t want.

Then, I recommend rehearsing upcoming situations where you’ve felt unheard: speaking up when a cashier overcharges you, pleasantly reminding your doctor or daughter or waiter that you do know whether you want surgery, to give away your doll collection, or to have butter on your muffin.

Finally, a major consideration in being heard is to attempt to communicate in a way that also allows others to feel valued and heard. At the start of his piece, Wilson quoted Ephesians 4:12, “Be kind and compassionate to one another.”

Roger‘s blog:  http://rogersroughneckwisdom.blogspot.com/

Be heard at Sharing Stories on the Local page of http://northwestprimetime.com/. Send stories to ariele@comcast.net.

 

Poetry Corner September 2014                            [Collected and edited by Ariele M. Huff]

 “Rising”

Out of the Mist,

feet off the ground,

heart full of happiness,

1000 trumpets can‘t sound.

Dance on the wind.

Sing with the stars.

A flower’s best scent can

    be smelled from afar.

A new day is dawning.

A bright sun will shine.

Rise up friend.

Rise.

Roger Wilson

 

“The Director of Fun”

directs Fun in my retirement home,

chatting pleasantly in the dining room

with residents, hungry for Fun.

I’ve never seen the Director of Fun

 when he wasn’t smiling,

 about to recommend something that’s Fun.

Most of the Fun here is the result

 of his efficiently-crafted Fun.

Dorothea Kewley

 

Haikus

cut off kite
the sound of children
fading with it

paddy field
the stream carrying
clouds

Ramesh Anand